Life is full of starts and stops...

Life is full of starts and stops.  It isn't really about endings and new beginnings - as that would signify that something is completely over and in its place - something new and fresh begins.  Life for me tends to be more of a blurred set of circumstances where somehow my life changes and causes me to pause- and adjust. Borrowing  words often shared by our Pastor as he  speaks of his own experiences...
          ...Isn't it the same for you?'


My earliest memories are of school. I remember the cots we used for naps in kindergarten and how they were stacked...the baby chicks that my mom let me take in for 'show and tell' and the first time that I wrote my name at the big desk in the den.  There was a squirrel that played in the house and a field that went on and on forever as I gazed through the sliding glass door.  I remember running outside without thought until I felt the sting of the barbed-wire below my right eye. I remember my mom scooping me up and driving me in the Rambler to the doctor.  This for me was my start - the beginning of my story...

And life continued. A series of circumstances and experiences that took me from childhood to adulthood.  Nothing too spectacular but nothing too plain either. I could write out the events but they wouldn't be unlike any of yours. I imagine there will be a time when I will feel compelled to share more about this time...about my brothers and sister...about my mom and dad.  For now my mind wanders forward towards the bumps in the road - the twists and turns in the journey.  These are the events that took my breath away...that stopped me cold in my tracks and when I knew my life would never be the same.

You might think that my high school graduation, the day I moved out to go to college or even the days that my marriage began...and abruptly ended... would be the significant events of this journey.  These events were life changing - yet predictable.  Normal and understandable - like the script for each was pre-written and I knew how it should be.  What I wasn't prepared for was the puzzled look on the face of the technician as she executed what she thought was a routine sonogram.  Time stood still and my mind wouldn't allow me to catch up as she called for the radiologist - then the doctor ...and ultimately a card was pressed into my hand with a date and time to meet with the specialist.

I was 21 and had a six week old baby girl.  I had gone to my post delivery check-up and found out I was pregnant again.  The sonogram was scheduled to give me a date - a time to expect my next delivery.   The news was odd and strange - and I felt almost as if I was watching it all unfold from somewhere else.  There was nothing predictable and I found myself on auto-pilot as I listened to the prognosis.  The baby's bladder was larger than it's head, the organs were malformed and there was no way to be sure I would make it to term.  What decision did I want to make - what were the options?

I remember laying quiet in the dark - thinking about the next minute - the next day.  As I look back on that time it was the first of many starts and stops - where life circumstances would cause me to pause...and then adjust.  Wouldn't it be the same for you?