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How much of our lives do we spend attempting to get people to understand how we feel...? We talk and rephrase to a point where we become frustrated in not eliciting the response that we want. I have my husband say to me in our less than 'loving' moments '...you just don't like what I have to say' as though somehow I am going to agree or understand because I am required to do so - like the epiphany will happen if I just don't resist - if I were to buckle down and peer into the reality that he has shared.
I acknowledge that I don't understand his journey, I have never walked in his shoes and his path is his own. Even though we have 25 years of married coexistence, parented and raised four children and shared many of the same experiences - his perception, his understanding is his own - and mine is mine.
I often think that I have great wisdom that I can share with those that have navigated a similar path as mine...but how arrogant to think that my path is similar or in anyway the same. Whether it is marriage/divorce, a birth or death, a robust or flailing business, an addiction or a life of perceived freedom - the content and context can be the same - but the personal journey...the personal path that is walked... has a 'common uniqueness' at best.
So what do we do for ourselves as people judge our paths - thoughts - or strive to decipher our emotions? And as well, what do we do for others as we interact with them as they are on their own personal journey? How can we save ourselves and love them without judgement?
For me it will be thoughtful purpose in my own life and the interactions that I have with others.
I want to always acknowledge & validate but never assume that I understand.
I will try to listen without feeling that sharing my own experiences will help -
when they really serve me.
When I share my story - I will not require a response or be disappointed by one.
If you are in distress - I will not judge but love you.
When you need the space - or need closeness - I will let you just be.
...and if I need the space - or closeness - I will allow myself to just be.
2 comments:
You raise an interesting perspective that could free a lot of us from unrealistic expectations from others. So often we behave in particular ways to elicit a desired response. Then we are hurt or baffled when we don't receive that response - precisely because of the gap you've zeroed in on. The flip side: when there is common experience and feeling identified - at some level even if superficial - there is great joy in feeling understood.
Thanks for the comment and perspective. I agree with the common experience - which is the ideal. It is amazing to be loved- understood and connected with. And the reality is that there could always be a 'what if...' when there is no response when reaching out - it is much more about how we react...can we just be with the fact that we love but maybe there isn't reciprocation?...can we just be?
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