It was an awesome Thanksgiving. Thursday we hosted the girls and Mike for Turkey. There was plenty of food and my 'gluten free' cooking has markedly improved from last year's rock hard brownie dessert. We ate and had football on the TV. We talked about what we were thankful for. McKenzie and Dean put up the ten year old fake Christmas tree and we all shared in putting up the ornaments - most of them homemade by the kids - seemingly a thousand years ago. Friday completed our celebration as we drove to the mountains - taking little Dean the leftovers and shuttling him to lunch in Frisco.
When I am working with the sales guys facilitating a training or meeting, I always ask about them. They love to share about their families. There is always a balance of uniqueness and sameness in their stories. Some waited to have children - some had them very young. There are musicians and athletes, students and drop outs, surprise babies and triplets for those that needed pharmaceutical help in building a family. I love the stories and the guys enjoy the break from the intensive training we provide.
When they are done - it is my turn - and I always begin with the same story... 'I love having adult children. I love that they all have their own homes and don't live with me anymore. I love that they are independent and don't cost me anything...' It's funny to read this as I am writing it because it sounds like I am glad to be done being a parent. That somehow I have escaped from the responsibility and that I am free from the requirements that we all know so well...
Being a parent just happened for me. Of the four children I had there was only one that was planned...and the extent of that planning was a brief but authentic conversation when Dean and I got married. Of that conversation all I remember was my new husband thinking out loud that I already came with two - we might as well have one of our own. It wasn't much beyond 9 months later that Dean II arrived.
The rest is just a blur of individual memories. Births - baby foods that were loved and hated - first steps - little Dean's love of helium balloons - Megan's long straight hair and glasses - the flute - Patrick's joy in rubbing McKenzie's back as a baby - first days at school - parent teacher conferences - Christmas trees - birthdays- you know the drill... The 20+ years of events that just happen. Who really plans a day and executes...rather they are just a series of unchoreograhed events. We seemed always in a state of controlled chaos - movement - inertia - fluid - all lacking chronological sequence or even some semblance of order. I imagine that our family - although unique - was not alone in this. As I remember correctly the game of Life would require random spins...and as you moved forward on the game board you may land somewhere that required you to go back two spaces and at any given moment there were 'pin-like' sticks in your plastic car that represented a new spouse and children...clearly someone else understood.
My children all live close. The girls both have apartments in Denver and little Dean calls Breckenridge his home. They are busy living their lives and have their own jobs, their own daily evens and they are individually and collectively just wonderful. Somehow we still fit into their lives - still as their parents -but now also as their friends. I love that I can meet the girls at the Orchards for movies and that they include me in events with their peers. There are very few days that Dean and Dean II aren't in contact about what is happening in Longmont or in the mountains. There are texts and there are phone calls. None of them forced - all of them authentic. Some looking for advice, others to share, most are friendly but with some that remind us of the intensity of their childhoods.
I love this time. I feel like I am watching our artwork come alive. I see myself in them, I see their dad in them and I see how life has impacted who they are. I get to be a purposeful mom - no longer caught up in the flurry of life - but more as the coach from the sideline. I get to enjoy the game but don't need to participate directly in it. I love it...and I am in awe.
For many years we took the kids skiing for Thanksgiving and always attended the same buffet for Thanksgiving dinner. It wasn't until just recently that they confessed how they would plan their attendance at the buffet line to ensure that everyone was not at our table at the same time - to delay what they dreaded most - having to share what they were thankful for. This year as we went around the table and the children shared...it seemed more natural and not forced. I was last to share and as I wrapped up what I was thankful for, I couldn't help but mention how great it was to not have to fight with them to share... Insightful McKenzie simply stated...'Must be we have all grown up...'
Ahhh... I love having adult children.
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